Quango Special: the most ironic bullshit ever

Boaty & D readers have been treated to a series of articles recently on Quangos and the role of the state.

We have taken pains to underline the fact that some 'Quangos' are necessary and perform a needed function and would do such in a libertarian state.

Many Quangos, however, are totally ridiculous and their premise is based on the arrogant and widespread assumption that it is the role of government to interfere and arbitrate in areas where, morally, they have no business.

According to BBC Look North, Brown announced a huge spending programme in 2005 aimed at regional 'regeneration'. In other words, he took a massive dollop of tax money, and used it to set up government-friendly bodies to employ government-friendly people to promote government-friendly ideas and make everything realise how friendly the government is.

One such body is this amusing outfit called 'Sharing the Success'. 'Creating prosperity in Leeds through enterprise' is the website's tagline.

The site provides 'business' advice to people thinking about setting up a business in Leeds. Very good, you might think. Except why would any potential entrepreneur need the support of this outfit in the first place?

"Becoming your own boss is a big decision," we learn in the section entitled 'starting a business in Leeds - your first steps'. Gee, thanks guys. I was totally lost in my whole business concept thing and then I read this and it all became clear.

"Anyone can start a business or work for themselves. It helps however, to have self-confidence, determination and the strength to keep going". What, anyone can start a business? Wow, I'm really thankful. Thank you government, I am indebted to you for this permission.

They are right, you know, it does take these character traits to make it work. You'd soon discover this after half a lifetime navigating your way through the HMRC site and filling in their forms. Though they do make taking your profits away reasonably user-friendly in the circumstances.

"People from all sorts of backgrounds, ethnicities, ages and with varying levels of experience take the plunge every day. This includes those who have been made redundant, newly qualified students, mums returning to work or those who have not been working for a while". This is a polite, New Labour way of saying 'anyone in Leeds can do it too!'

"Being your own boss means you have to shoulder all the responsibility which includes the set backs." I take it by 'set backs' they mean when the time comes for the government to legally rob you, either before or after thieves and bandits illegally rob you. Why not just provide links to a burglar alarm company and the House of Commons website and have done with it?

"Hello, is this 'Sharing the Success'? Yes, please, I'd like some advice on starting an exciting new enterprise in the East Leeds area. What sort of business? Drug dealer. I hear there are great tax incentives, and the market is very responsive..."

But this page on the 'Sharing the Success' website has all the clues you need. It gives you the details of two dozen people spread across a dozen different departments within 'Sharing the Success', all aimed at providing information and advice on a person's 'first steps'.

The biggest clue is this: if the government did not have public bodies like this on their books, they'd be able to lower taxes, which in turn would make it easier for people to start wealth generating (not wealth sapping) enterprises.

Government bodies do not boost the economy. They cause it to stagnate. They recycle money and they are pools of inefficiency and pointlessness. Furthermore, they are often politically biased, though they would never admit it even to themselves. Which means they are even more unethical and immoral. Because they invariably go beyond their remit.

Anyone serious about business would be the sort of person who would figure out the basics themselves. 'Self starter', 'confidence', 'self-motivated'. Well, yeah, I know, so why would they need a poxy government run website to teach them to suck eggs? If someone has those traits, then they are perfectly able to get on with it.

What hampers people in getting off the ground isn't the lack of knowledge of a few phone numbers. It is government interference and bureaucracy. It is direct and indirect taxation. EU regulations. Form filling. Local government involvement.

The irony here is hilarious. The Brown government trying to talk down to people, telling them how to make something a financial success, is possibly a Guinness Book of World Records entrant into the world of irony.

Mr R. Benitez: the Brown government's latest 'People Development Tsar'.

The twisted logic of government involvement runs right through the system. From bullshit quangos and public bodies, like this one, all the way up to the NHS and within schools and the police. You can see it in the mini-fiefdom building and sub-department budget spends and all those nooks and crannies not generally open to public gaze.

I fucking know, I have worked all my life so far in the civil service and Quango-land. I've seen with my own eyes what goes on and how money is appropriated.

Have you ever seen the film 'Falling Down' with Michael Douglas? You might remember the bit where Douglas's character 'William' loses his rag at some roadworks engineers for causing incessant traffic misery. He lambasted them about how it is not in their interests to do a clean, quick and efficient job, on the basis that they get a budget each year, and unless they spend it all they have it cut the following year. So all they do is dig up the roads, blow the money, and get the pot refilled for next time.

It is a crude, yet totally infallible, argument. And it applies to government departments across Britain and undoubtedly in America too. I have lost count how many meetings I've sat through in my civil service career, where a manager will explain that 'x' money will have to be spent quickly, otherwise after the following April, higher up managers might decide we do not need as much and cut the budget.

So bad decisions are made, people employed (pointlessly) and spending ramped up, just to ensure that the budget is either the same or more for the next year. Never mind if it is necessary, because every department within a department will always vie for as much money as possible.

The answer lies in one word: incentives. Government is wasteful, and it is partly wasteful because it does not use incentives properly. Incentives are there for bad things, not good things.

Make government more transparent, accountable and localised. Make government smaller and less involved. And make government work under a new system where the incentives are to spend less, not more.