The Call For A New Crackdown On Alcohol

This morning I witnessed the most annoying thing so far this year. Don Shenker (or is it Shenkar? Even the BBC don't know). He is the chief executive of Alcohol Concern and is from now on public enemy number one, nudging Dacre down a spot in the new years Boatang Hit Squad Parade.

What a total cunt.

I'm not the only one, as this particularly enlightened blogger is testament to with their blog 'Don Shenker Is A Cunt'. Quite so.

Seriously, look at him. Just fucking look at him.

The most stunning comment he made this morning was that it is a fact that when prices are put up to deter alcohol use it does not punish moderate drinkers, just the target audience. Yes, 'Problem Drinkers'. What a load of bollocks.

Before I carry on, I think a definition is in order. Problem Drinker. This seems to be fairly hard to find as it goes, however the medical dictionary I have found states that you must meet two of the following three criteria to qualify:

1. 5+ alcoholic drinks on any one occasion at least once per month–'heavy drinking'


2. One or more alcohol-related social consequences–eg, drunk-driving, public drunkenness arrests, alcohol-related criminal arrests, traffic or other accidents when drinking, confrontations about alcohol-related health problems by a medical practitioner, alcohol-related family or on-the-job problems


3. One or more symptoms of alcohol dependence–eg, having an alcoholic drink upon awakening–an 'eye-opener', shaking hands, awakening not remembering the events that occurred while drinking

Right, the first one is a lot of people and frankly that isn't an issue. One night in thirty where you have five pints, no biggy. However, the other two are getting into serious territory and are very much symptoms of full blown alcoholism. This is not binge drinking, which appears to have been dropped as a term because people have realised it is complete shite as a definition.

But another set of criteria lists it as this:

• Have cirrhosis or another alcohol related condition.
• Binge drink and get drunk quite often. This may cause you to lose time off work, or behave in an antisocial way when you drink. But note: not everybody with problem drinking binges or gets drunk. Many people with an alcohol related condition such as cirrhosis drink small amounts frequently, but do not get drunk.
• Spend more money on alcohol than you can afford.
• Have problems with your relationships or at work because of your drinking.

So, in all seriousness, when you compile the two to get a picture of what is classified as a Problem Drinker we're getting into serious fucked up territory aren't we. A lot of money on booze to the extent where you are in trouble with the law/your boss, either full blown binge sessions on a regular basis or a constant drip dripping of fair sized amounts and a medical problem as a result.

The only thing separating them from alcoholics is that they are not addicted.

This is a large part of the issue, because the report that has been released by the bunch of MPs that want you and me to stump up more tax on our drinks because Tia from Bolton gets lashed on cider have stated that 'if everyone stuck to their safe drinking limits, alcohol sales in the UK would fall by 40%. ', so one unit then. Who the fuck goes to a pub and drinks one unit?

Of course sales would fall by 40%, because it would defy the entire point of going to the fucking pub in the fucking first place.

They also completely miss that should this happen, a serious number of pubs would close in a week, not to mention the entire industry being crippled.

From the BBC:

It is estimated alcohol abuse in England and Wales kills 40,000 people and costs the economy £55bn every year

And what? It is legal, it is in fact part of our culture and it is a free choice. Only a total moron would be unaware of the dangers of excessive drinking and to be a tad harsh, most of the above would be alcoholics, not Mr Pub. But how much does it benefit the economy by? And what numbers go into that £55 billion?

This part I have visited before and the numbers they use here are wild approximations and include such reliable data as time lost to the work place through sickness, loss to the employer through lack of efficiency and so on. All I care about is how much in actual tax it costs the state, i.e. to the NHS to treat people. But that isn't anywhere near a big enough number.

The MPs have even attacked trying to educate people. Yup, waste of time they say because the booze industry spends vastly more on telling them how great it is. So, the solution is to stop trying to tell people and simply ban it? No! That would be silly, what you do is stop telling them about it and just tax the shit out of them.

So what does Don say on this?

If they don't act on these recommendations now, they'll lose all credibility in their stated attempts to change British drinking culture

Oh yeah, because their credibility is sky fucking high anyway isn't it! Fuck me Don, get a grip mate. And surely this is not an overnight thing? At what point is changing such attitudes (I'm not advocating that) a quick thing to do? We're talking generational change here.

But to track back a tad before going on, how many actual alcoholics are there? Well, according to Patient.co.uk we're looking at, wait for it...8 in every 100.

Oh yeah, 8%. Of the adult population which I guess is about, what, 40 million? Roughly? So we're talking over 3.2 million people are alcoholics. That isn't in addition to Problem Drinkers, that's just full blown addicts.

However AA has a membership of around 40,000. Something doesn't quite add up here to be honest and again, I have to be cynical about the numbers.

They also go on about hazardous drinking. For a bloke that is more than 21 units of alcohol per week, and no more than four units in any one day. Half a pint is one unit (roughly and it must be remembered that a unit is just some random thing). So more than two pints of regular beer in one day is hazardous.

Can you see the problem here? Very quickly a huge number of people are in the hazard zone without even a Top Gun style theme tune for comfort. A vast number of people are not just in the hazard zone, or even the worryingly defined Problem Drinker phase, but are full blown alcoholics.

And how do Don and his mates in parliament want to solve this? Tax. Education fails they say, but banning it would be oh so harsh, so let's whack up the tax. Here I feel like Harry Hill and 'Bring on the wall!', 'Whack up the tax!'.

One problem. Doesn't fucking work does it numb nuts. A stat from DSIAC is very illustrative - 'Between 1980 and 2008, the price of alcohol increased by 283.3%. After inflation (at 21.3%), alcohol prices increased by 19.3% over the period.'

So Don Shenker. Alcohol Concern. That sounds all very noble does it not? No it fucking doesn't. This utter cunt wants you and me to stand with our nuts in a bag sipping our weekly half pint and be grateful. Well, you know what Don? Fuck you and yer army of dickless bastards.

Who the fuck are they? Well, they are a charity "supported with funding from the Department of Health". So not then. How is that a charity? What they are is a quango funded by the government to campaign, weirdly, against the government's own policies. They are there to jump up and down and rant and rave and influence the state in order to fuck you and me.

If you want to laugh like a nutter, have a look at the staff list. Look at them! Fuck me it's like some sort breeding experiment. But you could even become a member! Oh yeah, not at these fucking rates pal.

This lot are a bunch of wankers they really are.

People drink. The vast, vast majority of people drink normal amounts and let's face it, as we get older we tend to drink less and differently. The reason most of us drank in our teens is because it was 'well 'ard' to do so. Everyone has done it, I bet you a fair wedge Don did. But the current issues are nothing to do with alcohol, they are to do with social deprivation and always have been. Gin was banned in the 19th century because the slum living masses were getting off their faces on it to such extent action had to be taken. Why did they? Because their lives were total shit.

And remember people, we only have the restrictions on booze we do now because of wars and the advent of the car.

14 year olds buy cheap cider and get drunk mainly because their lives are shit and everyone else is doing it. That's it. If they are to target anything then it should be specifically the cheap shit ciders, something they could easily target with a minimum retail price on quantities of 500ml or more in retail outlets. But they don't want to do that. They want a minimum price per unit across the board, they want increased tax across the board.

The evidence is already that pubs are closing at a rate of knots and less and less people are drinking. People just can't afford it.

So cheers Don, you cunt.

I'm off to define anyone who drives 20-30 miles per day 4 days or more a week as a Problem Driver. Or maybe anyone who has facial hair, works for a quango and is called Don as a Problem Wanker.

*My anger is with the quangos (and Don) and state policy that has led to the unfair increases on duties and taxes for the normal person. Alcoholism is a serious issue and if you have read through this while drinking your morning bottle of vodka taken from the secret place, please visit www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk