At Boaty & D, we make enemies so you don't have to

It's a proper public service we provide here at Boaty & D. We say what people out there think, but don't want to say or don't know where and how. We make enemies with people who other folks just want to avoid or ignore. We are a rare breed, in that we are remarkably intelligent, personable and politically astute, whilst at the same time possessing not the least compunction in fucking up everyone else's party.

There are no others out there quite like us. I wear as a badge of honour, the people I have offended and angered. I am proud of the plethora of forums from which I have personally been banned for life. Because I know, that whilst my enemies choose the lazy, blinkered and pious option of labelling me a trouble maker, a cunt and a 'troll', what really upsets my enemies is that I ask awkward questions, I hold people to account and I take no bullshit.

Mr Boatang is no different. In fact, his style is actually slightly more persistent and relentless than mine.

Some of our more recent wars include:

• A good couple of years worth of tumultuous, high-blood pressure, bruising encounters with Peter Hitchens and his blog contributors over at the Fleet Street journo's gaffe. (we post very rarely these days - there's only so much of one's genius one can expose to the same people without it being unfair on the rest of the world's population)

• A skirmish with a pretend, faux, bullshit 'libertarian' and Guido arselicker named Anna Raccoon - which led to me being banned from posting there.

• A well publicised war between us and the English Democrats Party (on here and also on the British Democracy Forum) which led to us showing up key people in that party for what they are.

• A growing dispute between us and our very own party to which we are members - largely on account of the stubborn intransigence of key senior figures who refuse to answer our questions, refuse to debate openly and publicly and who appear to thinly insinuate that we are 'soap box' dwelling trouble makers.

As I say, these are just some of the recent ones.

We do what we do, because we realise that in our imperfect world, consisting of (among other organisms) very imperfect humans, no-one gets it right every time, no-one has the right answers all the time, and above all - everyone and everything must be questioned.

You will be amazed how many people we come across who are so dogmatic, arrogant and ignorant, they genuinely think that they are a) totally right and b) people who ask awkward questions ought to be shut down.

If there's one thing that's guaranteed to turn us into blood thirsty hounds with the munchies, it is someone who tries to shut us down. I mean, these people may as well forget it - such arrogance equates to nothing less than a one way ticket to Migraine Hell. We will fuck you up, make no mistake. You're really better off just admitting you are wrong, open to persuasion or just plain stumped.

Do we titter and chortle as we carry out our raids on the web? Not really, no. In fact, we're more likely to take the task seriously. Believe it or not, we genuinely feel that if we don't hold certain self-styled mavericks, upstarts, journos and wannabe politicos to account, no-one will.

And yes, that includes that utter, total unmitigated wanker Guido, whom everyone has on their blogroll, everyone loves, everyone worships, but is actually no better than the very self-serving cocks he has on his target list.

Let's put it this way, if he was that amazing and that 'new wave' and important, he'd attract clever people to his blog - people up for intelligent debate. Bit like we have here most of the time. Instead he gets people in their multitude who are either ill, very young, very stupid, or very bored. My guess is a lot of people with all four of these attributes. For all the comments sections on his blog resemble a form of MSN chat. A very bad one at that.

Whether they are old school, new wave, bloggers, established Fleet Street hacks, politicians, amateur politicians, show biz figures, the BBC or who the fuck ever: we will press our point home and seek debate and answers on an even playing field.

If you aren't a regular reader, then I feel sorry for you. You've just missed out on 2 years worth of sheer brilliance. But it's OK, don't panic. Add us to your faves, flick through our archives and enjoy the show.

If you have read us, and don't like us; ooh, just let me have a quick delve into my big bag of 'bothered'...

Shame, nothing there. Never mind.